How-Tos for Productive Conversation

As we discussed in last week’s article, the Lord often calls us to be salt and light in our culture.  This requires us to move beyond political discussions in our own “echo chamber.” Not everyone has the same background, and many may have never heard conservative ideals talked about in a respectful, common-sense way.  Some people might not even know that the positions they hold really are conservative!

So, here are some of my favorite tips for delving into civil discourse without losing our Christian witness.  God has opportunities before us!

1. Talk to God First

James 1 tells us if we ask God for wisdom, He will give it to us.  Pray for humility, discernment, and wisdom in how to share your beliefs and bring glory to God. 

Conduct yourselves with wisdom toward outsiders, making the most of the opportunity. Col. 4:5

2. Seek to Understand, Not to Win

No one wins when Americans can’t discuss the issues most important to them.  Trying to understand another’s point of view is key.  The United States is polarized, and we can’t bridge that divide if we don’t care about others’ fears, desires, and dreams.   This is NOT a battle of wits . . . it’s an opportunity to be salt and light.

Fools take no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing their opinion.  Prov. 18:2

3. Ask Questions

Questions serve so many great purposes.  They signal that you’re paying attention.  They help clarify, prompt people to elaborate, uncover areas of possible agreement, and foster empathy.  Questions can also help others examine their own beliefs.

4. Make the Other Person Feel Heard

Listen.  Don’t preach.  In a world where people are shouting at each other and have little positive personal interaction, use simple tools to let them know you’re listening and that you actually care.  Don’t interrupt; use body language to show you’re invested.  Listening to their input, without simultaneously thinking how to counteract it, will reflect the love and grace of Christ.

Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.  James 1:19

5. Find Common Ground

Could someone you view as your enemy ever change your mind?  Probably not.  Building rapport is essential.  Frame dialogue that builds consensus or finds common facts, values, or principles.  Build a firm foundation so you can have productive conversations.

You may have to start on “smaller” subjects in order to find common ground.  For instance, do you both agree that times are tough economically?   Take time to discuss what you have in common—such as the higher cost of groceries—before you attempt to talk about free market capitalism.

6. Watch Your Tone

When we approach political dialogue with anyone, one way to dispel defensiveness on both sides is to let your speech, tone of voice, and demeanor express your desire “to be at peace with all, as far as it depends on you.”  The Bible is full of chastisements about the danger of the tongue and of anger.  Pray that the Lord guides your tongue and speak only words said from a loving heart. 

The wise in heart will be called understanding, and sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness.  Prov.16:21

7. Be Prepared

According to I Peter 3:15 we should, “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have.” Similarly to the way we study the word so we can share the Gospel, we need to have a solid basis for our views on political issues . . . and that view should be based on data, facts, and sound reasoning.

Don’t just regurgitate sound bites, headlines, and what others have said.  Do your homework and be grounded in truth from original sources.  iVoterGuide seeks to equip voters on these very matters.  Search for specific topics on our Insights & Articles page to find information on many public policy matters.

8. Disengage If Needed

Sometimes civility may call for us to disengage.  When people are passionate about topics, it’s easy to talk in circles.  Take a step back if needed.  Let the other person know that you will take time to sincerely think and pray about what they’ve said.  Being able to come back to have a follow-up conversation is much more important than both people feeling frustrated, or even worse . . . getting in your “zinger” and walking away. 

A gentle answer can turn away wrath. Prov. 15:1

None of us arrives at our beliefs overnight.  We need to remember that political views have deep roots and are often a significant part of someone’s identity.  One conversation may not result in much change, but it is our responsibility to plant seeds and let God bring the harvest.

Will you join me this year in letting God use us to build relationships and influence our culture?  We may be the only person in someone’s life who can be that light.

Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person.  Col. 4:6